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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Who among us hasn’t dreamt of pulling an Office Space and modifying our working environment just a teensy bit? We’re not asking the impossible, we don’t want a levitating chair or 3D TV or even a box of puppies on hand for when times get sad; we just want a little bit of personality. Is that too much to ask? Well, depends entirely on where you work. 

But we’ve been putting our heads together, and reckon we’ve come up with the absolute best desk modifications available to (nearly) anyone, anywhere. So, if your workspace needs a snazzy boost, look no further than:

USB Mini-Shredder

Let’s face it, we all love destruction – the more wanton the better. The USB Mini-shredder satisfies that craving, while still allowing you to retain both your job and your freedom. Powered by your laptop’s USB port, it spells instant doom for any post-it’s, memos or abusive messages your co-workers care to spend your way. Trust us, there’s nothing more satisfying than consigning your waste paper to oblivion after a bad day, without having to even stand up from your desk.

The Great Outdoors

So, you can’t exactly lug the whole of the Sussex Downs in here, so what? Start off small and let your imagination do the rest. If you miss the smell of open countryside, crave a dose rural life and can’t quite understand why we gave up the Garden of Eden for this; maybe it’s time to return to Mother Nature in the most socially-acceptable way. That’s right: houseplants: easily managed, unlikely-to-snuff-it, gorgeously green houseplants. Well, what were you expecting? Oh, all right – for those of you who want something a little more intriguing, there’s always the Desktop Plant Light, which combines a light source and little green companion into one handy contraption. There, don’t say we never did anything for you.

A Slinky

Know what everyone loves? Oh yeah, that’s right: a slinky. Why you may not quite be able to replicate the classic scene from
 Ace Ventura, it’s amazing what you can achieve with a few intelligently stacked In/Out trays. Figure out a way to work in your desk drawer and spare folders as well, and you’ll be laughing all the way to your hastily-convened disciplinary hearing.

A Robot

No, that’s not a typo. Several companies have developed friendly, desktop-sized worker robots you can buy for as little as a measly 5 grand. OK, so that’s not quite so measly, but can you imagine the look on Karen’s face when you gracefully furnish your desk with your very own servant droid? If you suffer a co-worker who has to buy and show off every single new gadget on the market, what better way to silence them than by turning up with a slice of real-life science fiction? It’s not just for show either, this little guy responds to voice commands and can remotely access the internet, meaning – holy heck – the future is here.

A Steve Jobs Doll

Do you love Apple? Does the thought of having a not-very-lifelike Steve Jobs looking over your every move send shivers down your spine? Then this could be the accessory for you. Creep your co-workers out a little bit with a plush toy version of everyone’s favourite megalomaniac. As a bonus, consider setting up a little altar to it with tiny incense candles and a hastily-scrawled pentagram. At the very least you’ll be the talk of the office.

Bonus Idea: Your Very Own Butler

OK, so it seems a little far-fetched; but Steve from accounts has just had his overtime cut and needs a little extra income; you’ve got that ready-pressed tuxedo left over from that dreadful party a few years ago… it’s a match made in heaven. Get your co-workers to all chip in. Think about it: you’ll never have to go all the way to the break room for a biscuit again.

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